“Good enough” parenting

Permission for all of us to ease up a bit.

There is a concept called “good enough” parenting, which essentially means you don’t have to be perfect to provide excellent care and foster a child’s well-being- you just have to be good enough most of the time.

Does that feel kind of liberating? Or still like a really tall order?

I think this concept, derived from Donald Winnicott in the 50’s, can really alleviate some of the excessive stress we put on ourselves.

So what is “good enough” parenting?

Overall consistent warmth, presence and focus on the ordinary efforts of taking care of a baby/ child (changing them, rocking them, respecting their need for transitions, etc.). You can tolerate any range of feelings your baby shows up with and naturally relax in responsiveness as time goes on. You know perfection isn’t possible and “failures” will happen. You expect them, and then manage them when they arrive. You adapt, and then adapt again. And you know it is unrealistic and harmful to demand perfection of yourself or be “on” all the time. In doing this, we actually help our child.

“Her failure to adapt to every need of the child helps them adapt to external realities. Her imperfections better prepare them for an imperfect world.”

Winnicott