Thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person

5 Questions with licensed psychologist, Dr. Kate Kaplan.

Happy Friday! I am so excited to share this month’s installment of 5 Questions. Have you ever been told “you’re too sensitive,” or “just lighten up,” or wondered why you’re constantly overwhelmed by your environment or senses? (Or maybe you’re noticing these traits in one of your kiddos.)

What if I told you this sensitivity can be a STRENGTH of yours? And if managed properly- and with the right tools- can help deepen your relationships and sense of fulfillment in your life.

Today we are talking to Kate Kaplan, PsyD about this topic. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and an expert in helping women, young adults and the highly sensitive live with more self-compassion, mindfulness, awareness, and grounding. She also manages a social media platform where she shares tons of valuable information about motherhood and women’s mental health right here. Welcome Kate!

Okay, so let’s first explore what it means to have high sensitivity? I’m super intrigued by this. How would you define it?

High sensitivity is a temperament or trait that roughly 15-20% of the population possesses. There’s been a ton of research over the last 30 years and the findings are that you either have the trait or you don’t. So, while you might differ in the ways the trait is expressed or your sensitivities it is not necessarily on a “spectrum”. Research also found this trait exists in the animal kingdom and points to an evolutionary purpose! So quite frankly we need this part of our population to keep us going.

I will just say now as we talk about high sensitivity today it is helpful to throw out thinking about it as a disorder or diagnosis (although I will cover some of the overlaps) and to view it through the lens of the way in which a body, mind and nervous system process and sense the world around them.

So, there’s four criteria we are looking at when assessing for high sensitivity represented by the acronym DOES.  Let’s jump in!

(You might see me list these abbreviations HSP (highly sensitive people) and HSC (highly sensitive child).

D stands for Depth of Processing

The non-sensitive person might pay attention to two to three different things at a time. The highly sensitive brain is paying attention to 10 different things at time. The HSP brain is responding to external stimuli continually and constantly, programmed to notice nuance and subtleties that other’s might not.  

I like the image of a conveyer belt to capture this part of the trait. The HSP brain is like a conveyer belt that is organizing, categorizing and analyzing all external stimuli at the same time.  

If you think about it from an evolutionary standpoint we need and have needed these natural observers and analyzers as part of our society, to keep us safe when caution and deep analysis are needed and to bring deep thoughts, deep feelings, deep questioning of life and a nuanced appreciation of the beauty that others might naturally overlook.

But this part of the trait is not without its struggles and challenges and I will get into that in the next section.

O stands for Over Arousability

Deep processing and a sensitive nervous system mean HSP’s notice more in their environment, like mood shifts, noise level or other slight changes of the world around them which can lead to a burnt-out nervous system. Especially since there is not really an “off switch”.

For adults, for instance, it might mean crowded environments and small talk are doable but exhausting and require downtime and rest to get an overstimulated nervous system back to its baseline.

E stands for Emotional Intensity or Reactivity

This is probably the part of the trait that the public associates most with high sensitivity. HSP’s and HSC’s feel everything at 100% and are deep and intense feelers! This could look like crying more than the non HSP, being more nostalgic, being moved deeply by art or literature and just living life with a “slightly thinner skin”. While I don’t love that metaphor because we might think that is a negative thing it aptly captures how HSP’s and HSC’s quite literally wear their hearts on their sleeve.

S stands for Sensory Sensitivity

This might mean being more sensitive to sounds, light, touch, smells, moods and pain.  Sensory input is again experienced at 100%. The classic example for HSC’s is feeling extra sensitive to seams in clothing and socks! Or perhaps it is an extreme sensitivity to cold or when an HSC gets a cut the screaming is next level. That is not because they are faking it but genuinely feel this discomfort at a higher level than their non-HSC counterparts.

That definition has helped so much. I am now recognizing people in my life that might fit the criteria- so interesting! Okay, what are the common challenges we see with HSP’s and HSC’s.

One of the more common challenges I see is difficulty making decisions and reticence to move forward and take risks.

Taking risks are part of life! For the HSP or HSC they want to minimize risk as much as they can. For them, making a mistake is even more shame inducing.  So, they do their best to try to get it right on the first try, weighing every possible outcome. While you would think it is helpful it can also be incredibly frustrating because as we know there is no “perfect decision”.